Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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