Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize