I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
