As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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