You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
