Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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