You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
