Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my liver is dry heaving
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
