'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
