Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
