i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
