I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
