WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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