my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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