I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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