I think I died a long time ago.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
