You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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