He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
