I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
