The maid of honor just puked.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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