Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
