could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
