Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
