Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
