wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
