You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
