You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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