I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
