Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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