I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
