oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
