Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
someone owes me an orgasm
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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