I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
