Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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