yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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