he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
MIDGETS
????
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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