What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
