is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
