I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will be naked everywhere
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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