Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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