you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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