hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it glows. i had to have it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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