ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
