By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love how my cats smell like pot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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