see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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