Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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