You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
