that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
