My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
