went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
