I hate your face
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
