im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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