why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize