so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
