remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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