There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
