So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
