Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
