its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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