I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
