He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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