I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
