Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
