i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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