turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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