yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
