Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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